Stargate

I’m about to geek out with this one. So, picture this: I’m totally obsessed with the “Stargate” movie and the entire series. I’ve binge-watched both “SG-1” and “Atlantis” in chronological order. But today, let’s dive into the movie that ignited my love affair with the whole Stargate universe. Back in 1994, when I was a junior in high school (yeah, your girl is old chile!), this film had me hooked.

Alright, let’s set the scene: Giza, Egypt, 1928. We’ve got Professor Paul Langford and his daughter Catherine, archaeologists extraordinaire. They’re digging up this ancient capstone adorned with mysterious Egyptian hieroglyphs. But wait, there’s more! These cryptic markings aren’t the only thing catching their attention. Beneath the capstone lies a massive metal ring. And that, my friend, is where the adventure begins! 

Fast-forward to 1994—the present time. The U.S. Air Force has possession of the massive metal ring and capstone. Alongside an elderly Catherine, they’re grappling with deciphering the capstone’s enigmatic markings. Enter Egyptologist and linguist Dr. Daniel Jackson (played by James Spader), who Catherine invites to crack the hieroglyphic code.

Daniel swiftly corrects the poorly translated hieroglyphs, but like everyone else, he hits a roadblock with the symbols. The top-secret project, overseen by Special Operations Colonel Jack O’Neill (played by Kurt Russell), hesitates to grant Daniel access to the ring. And here’s the twist: those symbols? They’re not words—they’re constellations! 

So, picture this: they finally let Daniel in on the secret—the colossal ring known as the Stargate. And guess what? Those mysterious symbols etched onto the ring? They’re not just random doodles—they’re coordinates! 

Now, here’s where it gets wild: they align the Stargate’s rotating inner track with those V-shaped chevrons on the outside. Seven chevrons lock into place, and boom! A wormhole materializes. They figure this wormhole connects their world to some distant planet. But hold up—am I the only one wondering about the return trip? What if there’s no capstone? How do you even know the right order to put them in? My overactive imagination is buzzing!

So, here’s the scoop: Colonel O’Neill rallies the troops (well, except for Catherine and Daniel) for a cosmic adventure. They step through the wormhole, and—bam! —find themselves smack dab inside an Abydos pyramid on a vast desert planet. Daniel’s mission? Decode those symbols and find the way home. But alas, no luck yet. Cue the frustration and irritation. It’s like they hopped on a cosmic train with multiple stops, and nobody handed them a timetable! 

Now, Daniel gets tossed out of camp to hunt down what he needs. He stumbles upon a massive buffalo-hybrid creature with a harness. Too close for comfort, his foot gets caught, and off he’s dragged to the next town. Meanwhile, the soldiers chasing the beast stumble upon humans mining a strange mineral. One guy tests it and—voilà—it’s the same stuff that makes up the Stargate!

But wait, there’s more: Daniel discovers that these folks speak a variant of Ancient Egyptian. And when they spot the necklace Catherine gave him, they bow down, thinking he’s an agent of their god Ra. Talk about a cultural mix-up! 

As if that’s not enough, Daniel’s gifted with Sha’uri, the chieftain’s daughter. At first, he’s all “Thanks, but no thanks,” but then he reconsiders—gotta keep the hosts happy, right? While he’s getting the lay of the land and building an actual relationship with his “intended,” he stumbles upon a cave. And guess what’s inside? A cartouche with the symbols needed to get back home. But hold your horses—Ra’s ship lands right on top of the pyramid where the other soldiers are camped out. Talk about timing! 

Hold onto your hats, because this is where the intergalactic drama kicks in! The brave men and the local tribe folks give it their all, but let’s face it—they’re no match for those flashy energy weapons. Two soldiers get nabbed, tribes’ people are dead and now Colonel O’Neill and his crew from the nearby town hatch a daring plan to rescue their captured comrades.

Daniel uncovers the real tea about Ra. Clearly, he’s not a god. Nope. He’s an alien being who’s got a thing for enslaving humans. Why? Well, they’re like his personal mining crew, digging up that precious mineral used in alien tech. And get this—he uses humans as hosts to extend his own lifeforce. Talk about a cosmic power trip!

One of the men remembered the address Ra used to escape and a battle royale to save their crew and take down the tyrant Ra ensues. Eventually, they escape with their lives, and Colonel O’Neill has a wild idea—nuke Abydos! But hold your horses, cowboy. Why kill a whole civilization of innocent people? Then they get a bright idea as Ra’s ship is leaving their orbit.  The bomb becomes their lifeline, and Daniel? Well, he’s left behind to live the Abydos life, marrying Sha’uri and all. 

This movie’s got it all: space exploration, mind-blowing visual effects, nice eye candy, and enough drama to keep you on the edge of your seat! 

I give this movie 5 out of 5 acorns.