The Substance Review

The movie I'm reviewing today is weird, gory, and did I mention weird? I wasn’t planning to write a review, but I can’t be the only one who has watched this. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this strange piece of cinema.

I won’t share how I stumbled upon this gem because it might incriminate me. What I will say is that fall is my favorite time of year, especially October because of Halloween. I make it a habit to watch every horror film, no matter the genre. I have my go-tos like the Halloween franchise, Aliens, Dawn of the Dead, or any Romero film. It’s my thing!

Anyway, I haven’t seen a good Demi Moore movie since G.I. Jane, so I decided to give this one a whirl. Demi plays Elisabeth Sparkle, an exercise guru. When she turns 50, her boss fires her. As the kids say, she starts to spiral after a car accident and is offered a deal she can’t resist.

She’s given the chance to try a substance that promises to transform her into an improved version of herself. They don’t explain what that entails, but who wouldn’t jump at the chance to enhance themselves? The substance is very under-the-table, a black market item if you will.

Elisabeth orders the “serum,” which ends up birthing a younger version of herself. Yes, I said birthing, but not in the traditional sense. I love a good gory film, and this one does not disappoint. The gore isn’t gratuitous; it’s well-executed, well-placed, and very creative.

Let me back up a bit. I had no idea what this film was about and no idea why I picked it from the queue, but here we are. Back to the story. What emerges from the shocking sequence is a young woman, perfect in every way. Barely in her 20s, no dents or creases on her body, played by Margaret Qualley. I know I’ve seen her before, but I can’t recall where.

There are clear instructions for taking the substance. You have to maintain the original body to supplement the new one, and every seven days, she has to switch bodies. Oh, and in big, bold letters, it notes, “Single Use.”

The younger version of Elisabeth names herself Sue and bursts onto the scene to take over Elisabeth’s spot as the exercise guru. But she doesn’t just want to take over; she wants to market herself to a younger, sexier audience.

Naturally, the younger woman gets too ambitious and starts missing her schedule because she doesn’t want to interrupt her fun. But her body starts to break down, and when I say break down, I mean… I’ll just let you see for yourself. My face twisted like Sarah Paulson’s character on SNL.

She manages to switch in time before her body expels its contents, but her actions cause an unfortunate side effect to the original host body. Elisabeth’s finger is now aged and rotted. I expected it to snap off at any moment. It was that bad, y’all.

Let’s fast forward to the good parts—yes, there are good parts. I kept watching for the sheer creativity of this film. As you can guess, Sue continues to ignore the warnings and thinks she can finesse the stabilizers to stay out in the world longer.

When she switches back, poor Elisabeth has turned into Joseph Merrick. Look it up, youngsters. Great film! Needless to say, her appearance has taken a drastic turn. Desperate to keep Sue from completely destroying her body, she orders a serum to terminate Sue.

Is this the end of the story? Of course not! Elisabeth doesn’t give her the full dose and revives her. They both end up unconscious, breaking their connection. Unfortunately, Sue wakes up first, sees the nearly empty termination serum, and attacks her. The fight sequence is comical and enjoyable. I won’t spoil the ending, but it’s very entertaining. I was highly invested and think you will be too.

I give this movie 3 out of 5 acorns. Enjoy, my squirrel friends!