Legion Review

 

TFIG, my beautiful peeps! Okay, squirrel friends, I don't have any current movie reviews, but bear with me. I'm going to introduce you to the 2010 movie that was probably in theaters for a minute, then straight to video. And I don't mean on-demand. Legion is the guilty pleasure you won’t admit to watching (but totally have). 

Let’s be honest—Legion is the kind of movie you stumble upon during a late-night scroll, pretend you’re too sophisticated for, and then somehow end up watching anyway. It’s not great, but it’s also not terrible. It’s that sweet spot of cinematic randomness where questionable plot choices meet genuinely cool action sequences, and somehow, you’re entertained.

The Premise: angels, apocalypse, and a diner in the middle of nowhere. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

The movie kicks off with the Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) deciding he’s had enough of God’s wrath and going rogue to protect humanity. Specifically, he’s trying to save a pregnant waitress named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), whose unborn child is apparently the key to mankind’s survival. Why? Don’t ask too many questions—the movie certainly doesn’t offer up any answers. So, don't think to hard. 

Michael holes up in a remote diner called Paradise Falls, where a ragtag group of strangers—including Jeep (Lucas Black), Kyle (Tyrese Gibson), and Bob (Dennis Quaid)—must fend off an army of possessed people sent to wipe them out. Oh, and then there’s Gabriel (Kevin Durand), who is technically the villain but also happens to be ridiculously ripped. Seriously, from the neck down, the man is sculpted like a Greek god.

The good, the bad, and the “Wait, What?”

Let’s start with the good: Legion has some genuinely creepy moments. The elderly Gladys crawling across the ceiling? Nightmare fuel. The Ice Cream Man stretching his jaw to unnatural proportions? Unsettling in the best way. The film delivers solid jump scares and a unique take on angelic warfare that, while absurd, is undeniably fun.

Now, the bad: The plot is… questionable. The movie never fully explains why Charlie’s baby is humanity’s last hope, nor does it bother to develop its characters beyond basic archetypes. The dialogue is often unintentionally hilarious, and the pacing is all over the place.

And then there’s the “Wait, what?” moments—like Michael casually looting a weapons warehouse and rolling up to the diner like an action hero. Or Gabriel wielding a mace with the kind of dramatic flair that makes you wonder if he moonlights as a medieval knight.

Final Verdict: It’s been fifteen years, and I’m finally coming clean—I watch Legion. There, I said it. So, y’all, it’s time to step into the light with me. Let’s stop pretending we don’t know every ridiculous plot hole by heart. Own it. Embrace it. Just… maybe don’t bring it up in serious film discussions.

Is Legion a masterpiece? Absolutely not. But is it a guilty pleasure worth watching when there’s nothing else on? 100%. It’s creative, original, and delivers just the right amount of jump scares to keep things interesting. Plus, let’s be real—Paul Bettany brooding in a trench coat is always a win.

So go ahead, press play. Just don’t admit you did. I give this film 3 out of 5 acorns.